Teaching Children Responsibility and Independence – Part 1

An email on a local parenting list this week got me thinking about teaching children responsibility and independence. The parent who wrote the email had been to a group camping event and her 8 year old was busy and happy helping to build the campsite and work to keep it running. It got me thinking about my experience this past spring taking our second-grade Brownie troop camping. We had planned a simple menu to make things easier on ourselves and then I went to Girl Scout camp training. In the training they reminded me that all activities should be girl-led. The girls are old enough to help with cooking, cleaning and even building the fire. So we revamped our menus so that we had jobs for everyone to contribute. The girls were responsible for cooking and cleaning, with supervision. I also spent a lot of time teaching them how about fire and match safety including how to build a fire and practicing how to safely light a match. Many of the girls were nervous about it as was I. I loved seeing the pride and excitement on their faces when they lit a match and realized that they didn’t burn themselves. One of the girls has since told me that her parents now let her light the Shabbat candles with supervision. The girls were told that they were expected to contribute and relished in it. They cleaned and cooked without a single complaint. Giving them those responsibilities showed them that we respect and trust them. As a result, they not only lived up to, but exceeded the expectations that were set for them. It is a lesson that I will carry with me always and have tried to transition into my life at home with the kids. For more on that, check out my next entry “Teaching Children Responsibility and Independence – Part 2”.
-Megan

Put the calendar away, let the kids chart the day

As the mom of a 12-year-old and the owner of a home daycare business, I am constantly faced with other parents and their unending need to plan a “play date” or enroll their child in some sort of class or lesson. A vast majority of “today’s parents” have an insatiable appetite for activities and play dates. But, why? I don’t hear their children begging to go to so and so’s house or to join the local kids gym or to do any of the five to ten things kids seem to do in a week. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in music lessons, learning to swim, playing a sport and playing with the kids in the neighborhood, but within reason. Children are designed to work and what is their work? PLAY! When we as parents have our children so involved with planned activities that there is no time for unstructured play, we short change them and they fail to learn one of life’s most necessary skills, independence. Over-scheduled children are not learning to imagine what they could do with their own time. It is my belief that as we shuffle the children from one activity to the next and plan each moment of the day for them, all in the hopes of being a good parent and giving our kids “everything”, children fall short in learning to care for themselves and to chart their own course. By planning so much for them, we often fail to help them discover their OWN passions. Boys may not want to play sports and girls may not want to do ballet. I was recently at a Highland dance competition. There amidst a sea of giggling girls was one lone young man, determined to win first place and win he did! What if his parents hadn’t asked him what he wanted – do you think they would have enrolled him in dance? Probably not. But look at the confidence, security and life skills he is learning by charting his own way and succeeding! My advice to all parents is to take a moment and put the calendar away. Encourage your children to plan their own fun for a day – you’ll be amazed with the wonder they can create and the things they will discover about their world and their own lives.
-Mary

Is limiting toy choices limiting career choices?

The "PinkStinks" movement, founded by Abi and Emma Moore, is thrilled to see science toys for girls, but they are still striving to broaden play choices. Read about the movement in Richard Gottlieb's blog entry Pink Stinks? The problem with pink: Part 2 and you may ask the same questions that I am.

On what platform would someone resist broadening play choices for girls? The same platform that challenges career choices for them possibly. While we are beginning to accept the hard fought battle for women climbing the corporate ladder beyond previous generations expectations, are we ready to broaden the choices for men?

If we encourage the broadening of toy options for boys, are we then saying we support their decision to be stay-at-home dads? I wouldn't mind hearing the resistance to this argument, because at least then we'd be having the discussion.

-Sara