Teaching children to love one another begins with teaching them to love themselves.

We’ve talked a lot on this blog about the value of teaching our children to care for others. Lately, I have been thinking about teaching children to love themselves. What is the best way to find that balance between creating healthy self confidence, without creating a child that believes themselves to be at the center of the universe?
My 6-year-old had trouble this year accepting the fact that he just can’t run as fast as his friends. He was upset and pretty down on himself. In this case, I started off by explaining to him that each person has their own individual strengths, some are fast runners and some, like him, are great at building and math. I also told him that if he wanted to get faster, he could, but he had to practice.
I believe that by creating an environment in which they feel safe, loved, and valued goes a long way. Additionally, I think it is important to let children try things on their own (watching like a hawk, of course!). In doing things from sports to school projects independently, children will learn the joy of succeeding on their own and also learn to get past it in a healthy way when they don’t succeed. They will also learn that some things take a lot of practice, but the work is worth it. It can be heartbreaking to watch our children struggle, but I think a key of raising a healthy child, is to let them learn their strengths and their weakness’, along with the value of hard work, so they can ultimately embrace who they are and learn what they are capable of when they put their minds to something.
Does anyone have suggestions regarding how they approach this challenge with their own children?
-Katie

Put the calendar away, let the kids chart the day

As the mom of a 12-year-old and the owner of a home daycare business, I am constantly faced with other parents and their unending need to plan a “play date” or enroll their child in some sort of class or lesson. A vast majority of “today’s parents” have an insatiable appetite for activities and play dates. But, why? I don’t hear their children begging to go to so and so’s house or to join the local kids gym or to do any of the five to ten things kids seem to do in a week. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in music lessons, learning to swim, playing a sport and playing with the kids in the neighborhood, but within reason. Children are designed to work and what is their work? PLAY! When we as parents have our children so involved with planned activities that there is no time for unstructured play, we short change them and they fail to learn one of life’s most necessary skills, independence. Over-scheduled children are not learning to imagine what they could do with their own time. It is my belief that as we shuffle the children from one activity to the next and plan each moment of the day for them, all in the hopes of being a good parent and giving our kids “everything”, children fall short in learning to care for themselves and to chart their own course. By planning so much for them, we often fail to help them discover their OWN passions. Boys may not want to play sports and girls may not want to do ballet. I was recently at a Highland dance competition. There amidst a sea of giggling girls was one lone young man, determined to win first place and win he did! What if his parents hadn’t asked him what he wanted – do you think they would have enrolled him in dance? Probably not. But look at the confidence, security and life skills he is learning by charting his own way and succeeding! My advice to all parents is to take a moment and put the calendar away. Encourage your children to plan their own fun for a day – you’ll be amazed with the wonder they can create and the things they will discover about their world and their own lives.
-Mary